Meet The Break-Up Artist
My worst breakup had to be when I was cheated on and didn’t know it until I read about it in an article. I was dating a semi known Mixed Martial Arts fighter whose career had taken an unfortunate down turn. But after several months, things started to look up and he had given an interview for a local newspaper about an upcoming bout. I was a supportive girlfriend, excited to see the post. But as I read through the interview, to my complete surprise, the reporter had mentioned his girlfriend who was sitting next to him…only that wasn’t me. I copied the sentence out of the article and pasted it into a text to my “boyfriend.” He texted back an interesting excuse: “I didn’t know the reporter would mention her.” This lead to several ridiculous messages back and forth. And at some point after several hours of texting, our relationship was over.
It could have gone worse, I suppose. The part that bummed me out the most, besides the incredible heart breaking loss of love, was the manner in which we broke up. There was absolutely no respect for our three year relationship to sit me down or call me up and let me know that he was moving on. I think that’s the worst part with the ending of a relationship, not many of us know how to do it right. Enter…Dr. Ditch.
Jharvis Lewis is a talented Atlanta based culinary genius, who occasionally caters on television production sets, which is how I first met him. But little did I know Lewis had a second burgeoning career as a break-up artist. And it all started with a friend reaching out for advice on how to dump his girl, yet maintain a friendship. That’s a solid request, no?
I was pretty stunned when I learned that guys were really calling on Lewis to help them break up with their girlfriends. This a thing? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, this guy’s onto something kind of brilliant. And it beats breaking up on a post it.
I asked Lewis how his reputation as a Break-Up Guru came about. Lewis broke it down from the beginning,
Before being “that guy” with my guys, it was the young ladies that came to me – for everything. The girls came to me for advice and the guys started noticing. They wanted to know how/what I was doing to always be around the ladies. It eventually became a thing. I started out helping my friends find words to say to their crushes to grab their attention by writing letters/poetry for them. I would talk on the phone to whatever girl my friends were infatuated with at the time pretending to be them. I pretty much became Cupid, and it just carried through throughout the years. I was very good at it.
One day one of my best friends wanted out of a relationship I
helped him get into. He came to me asking that I help him break up with his girlfriend. He was scared, didn’t know what to say or how to say it, and didn’t want to hurt her in the process. As per usual. So I did it. He was amazed how smooth it went and took advantage. He would date girls, get whatever it is he wanted and would have me do the dirty work for him. This “service”, if you will, began to spread like wildfire because he told everyone what I was doing. It caught on and I haven’t stopped since. Hence, me becoming the “Reverse Hitch” or “Dr. Ditch.”
When it comes to a proper break up, Lewis emphasizes the importance of speaking in the same pattern of language and communication that the partners are accustomed to in their relationship. Lewis explains,
Nowadays, more and more breakups are happening via text than anything. I get a lot more of these break up requests than face-to-face. With a break up, the first thing to do is learn the relationship. Terms of the relationship? How do they respond to each other? Temperaments? What are their relational habits?
Secondly, I need to know why you’re breaking up with them. Now depending on the setting (whether face-to-face or via text/email), I need to learn their conversations. I need to see how they normally talk to each other. Mainly how the guy speaks, and how the lady responds. I do this so I can mimic his style of talking so that it feels natural. Ultimately, more believable.
Once Dr. Ditch gets the communication habits down, he’s ready to end a relationship on the break-uper’s terms. Lewis continues,
I find out what end result they are looking for. Do you want to end the relationship for good, cutting all ties? Do you want to still be friends? Not sure? Well do you want to end things with the chance of getting back together? Different choice, different approach.
Lastly, I need to know when. I come up with when. Never want to break up with someone during the holidays or a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary. Timing is everything. You also never want to break up with someone in the beginning of the week. The break up process is usually takes 2 weeks or so to complete. I like to take it slow so that it goes smoothly. Abruptness never smooths over nicely.
I asked Dr. Ditch if women ever call upon him to use his services. Lewis says, yes but there’s a difference…
With women it becomes more about counseling and helping them find the courage to get out of an unhealthy relationship. And with men it’s mainly about breaking up and not being looked at as an asshole. We call it the “Team Clean Image” approach.
I read people exceptionally well. I study people and learn them. This is something I came to find out is a blessing and a curse. People generally don’t like being figured out, and when they are, they run from you. So yes, I can tell. I can always tell. And I move accordingly. Because the #1 rule in breaking up is a simple one: Don’t be the one to get dumped.