Why I’m not a feminist: when a great movement takes a wrong turn
When I was a teenager, I anticipated that the feminist movement would be in a great place by now: I hoped traditional gender roles (male and female) at home would have been completely abolished; chivalry would be a thing of the past; American women would have realized that they are in control of their lives and grown to be more independent. I also realized that these wishes seemed petty in a world that still needed a strong feminist movement throughout the American minority and global community. I had great hope that other women like myself would realize this. Today: I can’t call myself a feminist.
As a disclaimer, I understand that the feminist movement has gotten us to the point we’re at today: voting, wage equality, abortion rights, equal opportunities. I also understand that not everyone who identifies as a feminist will fit the qualities I’m about to describe. Unfortunately, the loudest voices have come to define the current feminist movement as a whole and I, personally, refuse to be associated with these kinds of ideas. Lastly, I strongly believe a traditional feminist movement is still needed throughout America (and the world!) in the black, Muslim, other minority, and low-income communities. Anyways, here are the things I’ve grown to lament and resent about the modern feminist movement in America…
Shame, guilt, and regret are apparently feelings a woman should never have to experience. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure a little bit of shame and guilt is healthy if anyone wants to not only survive but grow as a person. You know who never experiences these kinds of emotions? People like Martin Shkreli: shitty people, that’s who. Is it your fault some douche-bag took advantage of you at a party? Absolutely not. But what the hell were you doing getting drunk at a party full of strangers or douche bags in the first place? Yes, in a perfect world shitty dudes would never take advantage of intoxicated women; but we don’t live in a perfect world. In order to change the world we have to start with ourselves first. How can you expect others to respect you if you don’t respect yourself first?
This brings me to attire. First of all, I completely agree that wearing revealing clothing does not give anyone the right to rape you. That’s just silly. But it’s also silly, sexist, and downright arrogant to assume that most men cannot control themselves around a scantily clad woman. If this were true, I’m pretty sure strip clubs would instead be called “rape dens.” Back to clothing, I think it’s a fair assumption that ALL people dress for the kind of attention they want to receive. I wouldn’t wear sweatpants to a job interview; I wouldn’t wear my “what are you looking at, dicknose” t-shirt to a funeral. Why? Because of people’s reactions and the type of attention I would receive. If you don’t want to receive sexual attention, then why are you dressed in a sexually revealing way? No, you are NEVER responsible for another person’s actions. You are however responsible for your own. Which brings me to…
“Victim-blaming:” the phrase has become exploited and distorted by modern feminists to use in any situation where they don’t want to accept responsibility for their actions. Feel regret for something negative that happened in your life? Find someone else to pass the blame onto and label yourself a victim. Don’t worry, NONE of the actions you took were wrong. You didn’t do ANYTHING to lead yourself into a negative situation. I think this one bothers me the most because as soon as you label yourself a victim, you are completely denying your own (and all women’s) empowerment and responsibility. This is also the point where guilt, shame, and remorse vanish. If you can’t accept your own responsibility, you can’t feel guilt. And if you can’t acknowledge responsibility for something, how can you prevent the same situation from happening to you again? I’m not saying take full blame or let unwarranted guilt consume you, but isn’t a teeny tiny bit of guilt healthy? If you are feeling guilty or shameful for something isn’t it a better idea to examine WHY you feel that way so you can avoid the same situation on the future? Take your share of the responsibility and move on.
Lastly, I’m not “fat shaming” or “slut shaming” for disagreeing with your lifestyle. Proudly banging a bunch of people doesn’t make you sexually empowered: it makes you boring and shallow (no matter what your gender.) I thought feminism was supposed to be about solidarity? Coming together for a common cause instead of dividing us? If you are as sexually empowered as you think you are, what I– or anyone else– think of your sex life shouldn’t matter to you. I thought we as women had a lot more important things to deal with than fighting to be slutty and proud? Same goes for “fat shaming:” eat whatever you want! Just don’t eat chemical-laden junk food and act like it’s some act-of-feminism. Sure, the “conventional beauty” ideal is bullshit, but I don’t think there’s anything empowering about obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease (the number one killer of women!) Equality isn’t empowering when your goal is to be as equally horrible as the shittiest male equivalent you can think of. *coughAmySchumercough*
These modern feminists are, in my opinion, no different than the men’s rights advocates. The men’s rights advocates call me a feminazi for denouncing chivalry; modern feminists say I’m “trying to be like a man” and have “internalized misogyny” for everything else. Both groups are filled with entitled hypocrites who believe the rules don’t apply to them– but should apply to everyone else. So ladies, let’s come together to fight heart disease and world-wide gender oppression– some things we can all agree on. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go shovel the snow, take out the trash, and cook myself a healthy meal.
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Randi Nord lives in Pontiac, Michigan and is a journalist for the Pontiac Tribune.