What happened to the Manly Men of America?
I recently realized with the feminist movement of the past few years, the metro-sexual movement a few years before, and maybe too many Will & Grace reruns years before that — most guys have forgotten how to be actual men, and quite honestly it’s embarrassing. We’ve gotten so worried about coming off sexist, offending someone or saying the wrong thing. It’s sickening! This Jimmy Fallon style – everyone wins a trophy – never hurt anyone’s feelings way of living just doesn’t cut the mustard kiddos! It’s time to man the f*ck up!
So about a week ago, I was having dinner with a friend, and listening to him drone on and on about how he hasn’t had any success with women for the past few months. He’s reasonably good looking, has a pretty good job, decent personality, but is just not closing any deals. He asked me for some advice on why I have been able to have a higher success rate than him. As luck would have it – a girl he’d been trying to take out texted him back and said she was “up for dinner” to which I asked my friend – “OK, how are you going to respond to that?” His god-awful reply is what inspired me to this article, and don’t worry fearless reader – I will share his response with you soon enough. So, crack open a beer, let out a way-too-loud fart, laugh about how bad it smells, and hunker down to read my tips to being a bit manlier when you interact with the opposite sex.
What does this mean? It means DO NOT reply to a text that says, “Sure, I am up for dinner” with the response: “Where would you like to go?” You might as well just cut off your testicles and hand them to her. I am in no way suggesting to be demanding or insulting, but how about next time you say: “What’s your favorite food?” Then she can tell you if she’s a vegan and only eats bowls of steam, or if she likes sushi or steak (God bless her heart if she says steak). Then you can reply with “Great! I know a great place and I’m free Wednesday or Friday – which day works for you?” Even if you don’t know a place! That’s what Google is for my friends. Now you’ve just made a plan and kept your dignity intact.
Now, you can — believe it or not — be a gentleman and still take control. There’s ways to assert your manly ways without being an asshole. For example: when the young lady of your desire responds by saying: “Wednesday would be perfect!” You should do your research, pick a place in your price range, and make a reservation (ED Note: ALWAYS pick a place that takes reservations. Nothing says wimp like standing around and waiting for a table for 45 minutes). Text her back 10-20 minutes later and say, “I made a reservation at blah-blah for 8:30 PM – let me send a car to pick you up and I will see you there.” I assure you, for the additional $12 you are spending on an Uber, she will tell all her friends how much of a gentleman you were.
Train ‘em early!
I promise you this isn’t as offensive as it seems. What I mean by this is the nugget of wisdom I got from my mother many years ago: “You teach people how to treat you.” Please bare with me as this story kind of explains this better than any other that I know of — not that long ago, I was waiting for a girl to have dinner, I had offered the Uber, but she wasn’t sure where she was coming from, so she told me she’d just meet me at the restaurant. After 25 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet, and an unanswered text, I left and texted her that I am sorry we weren’t able to meet up. She immediately replied and was FURIOUS at me. How dare I leave?! I explained to her that it obviously wasn’t that important for her to be on time to meet me, and I consider both of our valuable time, and that’s why I was on time. She begged me to come back, as she was waiting in front of the restaurant…
I did (she was gorgeous), as we sat down, she got immediately defensive: “Maybe you aren’t used to dating beautiful women, but we take time to get ready. You should understand that.” To which I replied, “#1 that’s why I told you the reservation was for 9, when it was actually for 9:15. #2 at 8:55 PM, you had to know you weren’t going to be on-time, so you should have texted me, not me texting you 2 times without an answer (ED Note: she stopped me here and said I had only texted her once – I replied with – well, yes, I only sent one text, but you still never responded to that! A little trick I learned years ago), and #3, if you think showing up like this is okay, then we obviously shouldn’t even go further, as maybe you are used to men letting you get away with this type of behavior because you are beautiful, but looks fade, and personality is forever.”
Now two things happened: First – she started crying at the dinner table, and apologized. Then on our next three dates, she arrived before I did. Score.
What does that mean? It means – on a first date, don’t go somewhere you’ve never been before, or have no idea what’s good on the menu. If you have to do reconnaissance beforehand and have dinner with your friends first, then do it. If you walk in somewhere and the host says “Hi,” and you tell her your favorite dish, or even say something like, “I’d love to order some of my favorite dishes and we can share, and if anything looks great to you on the menu, we can throw that in too.” Again, you’re still being the man, but you aren’t being a dick about it.
Chivalry shouldn’t be dead
Sometimes a little chivalrous behavior goes a long way. Offer her your hand when she’s getting out of the Uber you sent her, hold the door open when you walk into a restaurant, take her coat, pull out her seat, and so on.
These simple gestures show that you are not only a man, but also interested in her. Which leads me very easily into the next tip….
Make the first move
I can’t believe I have to say this but… for the love of all that is holy, don’t be afraid to make physical contact!
Make a move! That’s what you’re there for. You’re on a date! You aren’t having a meeting about the new HR rules that the company has put in place. You’re there because you’re interested and you want her to know it, and the sooner you make it obvious that you’re interested, the easier it will be to stay out of the dreaded friend-zone. Now, there’s a few times when I will make exceptions to this rule… if you are taking out a woman who is perceived as ‘easy’ because she’s a stripper, or a porn star, or a lingerie model etc., the best thing you can do is not try anything on the first date, just do everything else on the list, except don’t try anything at the end. Why? Every other guy that’s taken that girl out expect that she’s gonna put out because of her line of work. Show her you don’t think that and it will reward you in the long run. And by first move – I just mean break the physical contact barrier. Hold her hand, a good night kiss, something to let her know where your head is at.
Make the last move
When the date is over and you’re putting her into her Uber you’ve gotten to take her home, tell her (only if you actually want to see her again) that you had a great time, you’d love to see her again, and to please text you when she gets home safe. Hopefully she’ll text you, thank you, and can’t wait to see you again soon, too.
There you have it: my simple tips on maintaining your manly dignity and not offending any feminist, or coming off like a chauvinistic pig. Although, I’m sure there’s a few women out there who will strongly disagree.
If these tips helped (or hurt) feel free to let me know on twitter @iamralphsutton and if you truly want to be offended, then check out my podcast – The SDR Show live every Monday @ www.theSDRshow.com/LIVE 9PM ET, as well as my nationally syndicated rock radio show The Tour Bus @ facebook.com/TourBusRadio