How To Survive A Threesome With Your Relationship Intact
SEXTIQUETTE
There’s certain things you should just know when having sex with two girls at once. First of all – BRING A LOT OF CONDOMS. Why you ask? Because no self respecting three-way having woman is going to want you fucking Sally from accounting, and then put that same condom into your girlfriend! You will be changing condoms… often. If you want to go back and forth – which is a huge part of the fun, then you better have a full box of condoms at your side. Also – never be in a situation when you are focused on the other girl. Let your girlfriend focus on her. You are always focused on your girl. Having sex with the new girl? Kiss your girlfriend while it’s happening! Also – definitely don’t blow your load too soon. You can use a cock ring to delay and even intensify your orgasm. If you are too shy to buy from sex toy shops in your place, order one online. Cock rings from LTC come in discreet packaging. There are more than one way to last longer during a threesome, you can even think of Bea Arthur naked if you have to, but keep in control. This is the one race you want to finish last in!
SO LONG FAREWELL AUF WIEDERSEHEN GOODNIGHT
The first time you have a threeway – under no circumstances should the new girl spend the night. This will only lead to problems in the morning. TRUST ME. If it’s a girl you end up doing this with often, then sure… but that first time ABSOLUTELY NOT! Also remember, there’s nothing wrong with a threesome, don’t say things like “I can’t believe we did that” or “imagine what everyone would think!” Just be happy, be easy-peasy, and let your girlfriend walk her out. You don’t want to walk her out and get a kiss goodnight – that will definitely lead to a problem in the morning, and while we are on the topic of morning…make sure your girlfriend spends the night, make her breakfast, and don’t bring it up. If she does – let her dictate the conversation, never say how hot the girl was, or how great she felt. Just say you liked watching your girl, and how turned on she got, and how sexy she looked kissing the girl etc…
Follow these rules, and you should be on the path few men traveled, and live to tell the tale! As Jerry Seinfeld said – you may have to start wearing robes.
Feel free to shoot me a tweet and let me know how you fared. @iamralphsutton and listen to my top 100 comedy podcast The SDR Show, as well as my nationally syndicated rock radio show The Tour Bus!
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Tall in height, short in the pants.
Host of The SDR Show, The Tour Bus, as well as Shiprocked & Motorhead’s Motorboat