The Underground — Issue #94
Everything you need to know about in this weekly series: Red Letter Media returns with a hilarious Star Wars: The Force Awakens review, a supercut of SNL members breaking character, a look at the calories in your favorite fast food/chain restaurant meals, and century-old tortoises eat some pumpkins to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the San Diego Zoo.
At Social Underground we go beyond the mainstream stuff and see what’s underneath the surface. What should we get into, listen to, read, eat or watch? If there is something in our culture that needs attention that’s our job: Show you the underground things that you need to know about: Books, music, television, movies, comedians, art, and whatever else we can find to get you into something you never knew about. That’s The Underground.
1. Red Letter Media returns with the Star Wars: The Force Awakens review. Did I love Star Wars: The Force Awakens? Yes (check out my review). But why? It was basically the original movie remade for this generation. Anyone that disagrees is in denial. What this review does is it doesn’t just take on the movie itself, it takes on the entire idea of a “soft reboot.”
What’s that? It’s a reboot that sorta takes the canon into the story. With this movie, it pretty much erased the canon that was set up with books and comics. People got pretty pissed, but then again, who the hell is reading books about Star Wars? I love it, but I’m not about to go reading about a seed ship leaving the galaxy only to be attacked by extra-galactic beings who ended up killing over 300 trillion people. I won’t even link that, you can go look it up.
Below is the review that almost made me ruin my new laptop by doing a spit-take because Mr. Plinkett made a cheap pizza and a phone have sex.
2. Saturday Night Live shows of its supercut of people breaking character. I don’t know about you, but I love seeing people break character live on television. Some of the best is when Stephen Colbert would break during the Colbert Report. Sometimes things are so funny that you can’t help but lose yourself in the moment. It can actually take a mediocre skit and turn it into something that’s so funny that it’s solely remembered for the skit where everyone broke.
Let us take a moment and remember that Jimmy Fallon broke in almost all of his skits. It’s funny when the skit makes you laugh a lot, but it’s not funny when you purposely laugh in every skit where people actually spent time writing it to laugh at the jokes. Jimmy Fallon is to comedy as Hitler was to anti-Eugenics. Look that up.
So, the video below is a compilation of characters through the years breaking during the show. I enjoy when everyone in the skit breaks, but when the host of the show starts to lose it… that’s beautiful. Have a look and try not to laugh.
3. The New York Times depressingly shows us how much 2,000 calories is in fast food form. Unless you’re a complete dunce, you know that when you get that delicious meal at your favorite chain restaurant is going to be quite unhealthy. 3,500 calories is a pound, and then you look at the chart below of what looks like a pretty normal meal at a fast food place looks like, and then you may be crying into your extra ranch dip you ordered with your fries. It’s painful… for your heart.
Fast food is great when you have a cheat day or something, but when you actually look at the figures of it all, eating this stuff without thinking is quite a bit of calories. I know that if you’re on a low-carb diet that calories aren’t a huge concern, but you’re also not eating all the insane carbs that are dished out at some of these places.
To be fair, some of these look like legit dinner options. The “Home” meal looks like it’s full of everything you could want if you make a meal at your place. It could even be subtracted from because many don’t finish and you can toss the leftovers in the fridge. Subway could be good if you subtract all the BS from the healthy parts of the meal (also SUBtracting that whole Jared thing). And then Cheesecake Factory wants you to die. There’s no winner here.
Have a peek at the chart below to see what you may be casually stuffing into your face at lunchtime. I’m not sure Burger King is accurate, though. No one has ever gotten an order right at the place in history. Ever.
4. 100-year-old tortoises go to town on some pumpkins to celebrate the 100th year of the San Diego Zoo. There are so many things to love in this world: pizza, Mr. Rogers, Batman, kids getting injured in videos, tacos, and that time when you were little when you saw your neighbor lose her top in her above ground pool. But I shouldn’t ignore the tortoise. They are the goto friend of nature. Have you ever seen a moment where a tortoise wanted to start biting you? If you did, it’s probably because you’re a dick.
The Galapagos Tortoise has a very long lifespan. They also managed to play a big role in this one thing…ugh, what’s it called? Oh! Darwin’s Theory of Evolution:
“I have not as yet noticed by far the most remarkable feature in the natural history of this archipelago; it is, that the different islands to a considerable extent are inhabited by a different set of beings. My attention was first called to this fact by the Vice-Governor, Mr. Lawson, declaring that the tortoises differed from the different islands, and that he could with certainty tell from which island any one was brought … The inhabitants, as I have said, state that they can distinguish the tortoises from the different islands; and that they differ not only in size, but in other characters. Captain Porter has described* those from Charles and from the nearest island to it, namely, Hood Island, as having their shells in front thick and turned up like a Spanish saddle, while the tortoises from James Island are rounder, blacker, and have a better taste when cooked.”
Besides these beautiful creatures lending to the greatest revelations of our time, they’re also adorable when they chill and eat pumpkins. To another 100 years!
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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post,UPROXX,BGR and by just looking up his name.