5 Tips For Guys When Trying To Seal The Deal While Dating
In this day and age, it’s becoming more difficult to know whether a woman likes you. You could be 100% sure she is into you, but then she backs away when you are trying to kiss her at the moment you think is right. You could think you don’t have a chance at all, but really, you’re completely missing all of the signs. It’s trickier now because of all the technology that’s been added in the dating game. The words “I’m fine” texted from a woman might as well me the two worst words ever.
50 years ago, you’d have to do the whole dinner/date/walk to the door thing a few times before you even got a kiss. Now you can text for a while, meet up at a bar, and then maybe hook up. Even with that it’s even confusing. I’ll go into more detail on that as we proceed, but just know that you have to trust your gut, look for the signs, make sure she’s into you, and don’t be a creep.
DON’T USE ALCOHOL AS A SEDUCTION TECHNIQUE
Having drunk sex is probably only okay when you’re both in a relationship and know that the end of the night will end in sex. When you’re comfortable enough with someone, you can openly speak about having sex later on after you both go out (or have sex before you go out!). Going out on a date and knowing she’s buzzed should be an immediate sign that you shouldn’t act on anything. Even if you’re both buzzed, don’t. You both can’t consent because you’re both drunk. That’s why alcohol is the treebranch in the bike wheel.
When you meet up with a girl at a bar, you don’t want to both get hammered and then have sex, do you? You could be thinking that you would totally do it, but then comes in the reminder that there’s a whole thing called CONSENT. For example: Say you’re 1 beer deep, and she’s 3 glasses of wine deep (She’s smaller than you, that 1 beer is nothing at all, so she is obviously under the influence). She starts coming on to you more and more, and you think you’re totally nailing the date because of this. Wrong. Obviously, she’s getting drunk and her inhibitions are lowered. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, that’s why she’s there, but it means that her normal common sense is significantly altered.
I know it sounds weird, but think about it: If you went to a bar and a drunk girl hit on you when you’re sober, would you feel like a good person if you had sex with her knowing she’s drunk? No. That’s awful. Same goes for if you’re drunk and she uses that to have sex with you while she’s sober. Dating is scary now. It sometimes feels like you need to sign a contract with a witness present just to make out.
If you show that you respect her enough to not use alcohol as a way to get in her pants, she will hopefully respect you for it. Tell her that you don’t want your first time to be under the influence. The last thing you want to do is have sex and have her look over at you in the morning totally regretting her drunken decision. That’s never a good thing.
HYGIENE AND PHYSICAL WELL-BEING MEANS YOU CARE
If a guy goes on a date (doesn’t matter if the 1st or 5th) and isn’t washed, long finger nails, smelling like old food, looking like he went to a 311 concert, or looking anything outside of just waking up in a dorm, it’s over. When you go on a first date, you still maintain the possibility in your head that you could have sex that night. If that happens, do you really want to look like a beast when the clothes come off? Sorry to tell you, but girls don’t exactly like it when it looks like Bob Ross’ fro in the downstairs area. If they do, well, they’re into some weird stuff because I’ve never come across someone who was into that. Then again, I never put myself into that situation.
The more you take care of yourself shows that you have a routine of staying clean and neat. She will most likely want to be with someone who looks like they just came out of a tailor instead of someone who just came out of a trailer.
CLEAN UP YOUR PLACE
As with hygiene, making sure you have a clean place is essential if you bring someone over. Are your sheets clean? Is there crap laying all over the place? Is the bathroom spotless These are immediate things that women will notice within 5 minutes of walking into your place. The things you forget are the things they will notice instantly.
Dirty sheets? She will smell the dirtiness before you could because you are accustomed to it. That’s why you have to wash your sheets at least one a week. Maybe even more than that. Always keep it clean no matter what.
Crap is laying all over? If you can’t take care of you bedroom or living room, how the hell are you going to take care of anything else? She will go 10 steps ahead of seeing that you still have a bill on the table and think you will probably be late for a date. I’m serious, these things happen! Try to have all of your video games, shoes, clothes, couch, tables, entertainment center, and whatever else you have looking like it was organized by NASA. I know that is a little extreme, but it will make you look good to her and reminds you that you aren’t some animal running around without a care in the world.
The bathroom is probably number one in all of this. If your bathroom is a sh*thole, that means everything about your hygiene and how you take care of yourself is a mess. Before you have sex, where is the first place she needs to go before you have sex? The bathroom. If she goes in there to do her thing to get ready and there is funk everywhere, she might just change her mind. If she knew that you knew that she was coming over and you left it like that? You might hear a few other doors close as you prepare yourself in your unwashed sheets.
BE CONFIDENT AND A LITTLE ALOOF
One thing I noticed when I got my braces off and got into shape was that I didn’t try at all with women. Who wants to hook up with the 20-something with braces, right? That was 2 years worth of me getting in shape, eating right, and not even noticing women at all. Finally, when I got my braces off, dressed nice (dressed nice anyway), looked better, and was still not paying attention to women, but they started paying attention to me. It’s sort of like how if you’re in a relationship and you keep having to turn women away because you’re not looking for anyone. You get confused because you don’t understand why this didn’t happen when you were single.
If you’re on a date and you’re not trying too hard, they will notice it. Don’t go into a date or a movie night automatically thinking you will hook up because you think you’re a stud. Don’t go into it expecting anything. It may sound corny, but play it cool. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, don’t act like the world has ended.
Women adore confidence. Being an awkward guy who relents and lets her call the shots all the time may start as something good, but then she’ll realize that you can barely get the attention of a waiter let alone her. It gets old fast. Man up, open the door for her, reassure her, and show her than you’re more than any empty suit. Being able to speak to people in public without being nervous or intimidated is a turn-on. Being a scared wimp who’s afraid to get someones attention will be noticed. Women remember everything. EVERYTHING.
PROTECTION. ALWAYS PROTECTION.
No matter how well you think you know someone, use a condom until you’ve been with them long enough to go without it because she’s safe and on birth control. Never think that you’re being insulting when you’re about to have sex and you have to initiate the condom. If she takes offense and thinks you think she’s dirty, just explain to her that it’s common sense to use a condom for the first time ever with each other. If she shames you even further, then it’s not worth it.
Nearly all of the time, the part where you know you will have sex is when she pulls away from your lips and asks if you have a condom. Once you show that you do, then there yah go. If you stupidly say, “We don’t need a condom. I’m clean.” She should react with disgust and that this isn’t going to happen unless you wear one. If she agrees, you’re both idiots and deserve to have that kid in 9 months.
Always. Use. Protection. It prevents you from ruining your life unless you’re ready.
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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post, UPROXX, BGR and by just looking up his name.