Things Girls Do That Completely Confuse Guys While Dating
The most difficult thing about going out on a date with a woman is trying to figure out the signals. Most of the time I’m sitting across from a beautiful woman who happened to say yes to a date, I’m trying to Sherlock Holmes every interaction. It skips ahead easily to where she will tell me exactly what she’s feeling, or it could be a game where I’m so confused to the point where I’m not even sure if it’s a date. It can sometimes feel like a point-and-click adventure game where you must go through many levels of puzzles and trap doors to figure out if they do like you or not.
Some of my best dates have come where she would kiss me or I would come straight out with telling her that I liked her. Being that ballsy skips past all of the awkwardness and makes it a whole lot easier. It reminds me of the moment in Good Will Hunting when Matt Damon and Minnie Driver skipped to the point to kiss and break all of that tension. Instead of wasting so much time, they just kissed and realized “Okay, that was great, now we can enjoy being on this date after screeching to the end to see if it’ll work.”
I’m still based off the classic standard of dating by opening doors, paying for dates, being respectful, and walking her to her front door after the date. The problem is that I was a bit out of time dating wise. I was grabbed and kissed or I walked into an apartment after a second date with a naked girl wanting to pounce me. I was usually awestruck because I wasn’t quite sure how to approach that. I went from trying to be cool in high school and post-high school, to getting braces, erasing any ego I thought I had, and then getting hit on because of my lack of interest (that and I spent hours at the gym knowing having braces was a turnoff). Confused? Yes I was. I kept thinking about how I didn’t really try to hit on anyone, but instead acted like I didn’t care at all, talked indifferently, and then I was being hit on. WHAT?
I usually heard douche bags talk about how they had so much game, had sex with chicks, and then acted like such badasses. I’m not really into doing anything like that. I don’t think about sex like some sort of achievement. I haven’t really been with anyone where I didn’t want more than just a hook-up before realizing that I was being used. It’s probably why I feel awkward watching movies, TV, and even porn where I wonder how these people in the scenes can mostly just walk away and feel nothing. I guess that’s why dating is difficult for me.
Now that you know where I’m coming from, I can explain how confusing dates and dating are for not just me, but for many men.
Decisions on Location, food and drinks
The hardest part about going on a date is deciding where to go. When it’s a first date, you could suggest a place to the girl you are taking out, but it may not be her cup of tea. This could start things off bad. You could pick a high end place that makes you look like a pompous person because you want to spend a bunch of money for the first date, or you could pick a Ruby Tuesday’s/local bar for a date. You could also pick a movie followed by one of those places. The problem with everything is that a guy will usually get an indifferent response to each suggestion. You can overthink it to where the decision means having you both have to dress up or dress down, but it doesn’t make it easier:
- What if she’s into a low-key date?
- What if she thinks you think she is low-key?
- Does that mean she thinks you look down on her?
- Does that mean you think she’s down to earth?
- Does your choice make you seem cheap to her?
- Does your choice make you seem like a regular guy?
- What will she order?
- What will you order?
- Should you order a beer?
- What if she orders a water while you order a beer?
- What if you order a water while she orders wine?
- Will she think bad of herself because you ordered that water?
- Will she realize that it doesn’t matter what she orders?
This is the stuff that goes through my mind when on a date. Each time I went on a date like this, I’ve always noticed she would order a small salad and a water OR a regular meal and a few glasses of wine/mixed drink. I always tend to stick to limit alcohol because I’d be driving. If we were in a relationship, we’d switch off, or get and Uber… or she’d be a drug addict and not care if she would drink and a drive. That led to many moments of neat accidents because she suggested driving, pulling off in a neighborhood, and then ripping my clothes off. Not a bad night, but a definite thing that should probably never have occurred.
Texting Love And Arguments
Texting is one of the biggest ways people in relationships talk to each other when separated from each other. No one wants to hear your love talk or arguments in public. Well, some do, but those are usually weird people on the bus that makes you put your phone in your pocket and look away in awkwardness.
The worst thing about texting is that it gives both sides more than enough time to come back with a clever response to a text. Guys will usually be straightforward with what they mean with a text, but girls will come back with something that makes a guy unsure of whether they’re mad, indifferent, happy, sad, annoyed, and more of those emotions. Sometimes it’s hard to respond to a text like that because a guy is so confused, they they will take so long to respond because of that. Then what happens? Another text the seems equally confusing. Then a guy will call and get sent straight to voicemail. By not leaving a voicemail, that will lead to something worse. I can’t even describe the anxiety this causes when this situation happens over a 4+ hour period. This may be because I’ve dated gas-lighter’s who I have had to apologize to for reasons unknown, but it’s still pretty messed up.
- I’m fine
- No, it’s okay
- No, you said you were fine
- Why’d it take so long for you to respond?
- Why are you asking if I’m okay?
- I’ll talk to you later
- Give me a day or two to think
I’ve gotten way worse. I’ve gotten worse to the point that if I put the texts up, I would lose any and all credibility. Text’s are the worst because you can give those little non-answers to the other person and leave them dumbfounded.
Sex or no sex
There’s usually 6 months of a honeymoon period in a relationship where you two are all over each other whenever you get the chance. After that time, your girlfriend seems to have been possessed by a demon who wants your testicles to swell into grapes, take a shower, squeeze out the poison, and then read a book you’ve been meaning to read for a few years.
Sex is great, but when you have to do the thing where you snuggle up to you significant other and try to initiate, but then get shot down… it’s pretty humiliating. When it keeps happening, you start to stop trying to initiate and start questioning what the point is? This is no joke! Why keep trying when you can never pinpoint the exact mood to have sex when the mood seems to be “Not tonight/my stomach hurts/I’m bloated/I’m tired/What are you doing?” Do you know how ball-crushingly humiliating that is? If you’re a woman, and you’ve done things like this, then pick a moment to jump on your guy and wonder why he’s so hesitant… it’s because he’s so alarmed that you want to show any sexual interest after he’s picked so many moments to try an initiate anything of the sort.
He could be reading or surfing online for gadgets when you come up to him and try to be all sexy. This will make him wonder what he did to cause it, and then it will cause him to try and recreate it at a later date. When that doesn’t work, he’ll become even more confused. What happens after that? Trying to reconnect because you both suck at talking to each other.
What will really work is that you try not to have sex all the time. The more you have sex, the more it becomes just an average activity. Do you want pizza every day of the week? Yes! After you have pizza every day for a few months, you might want to try Chinese food. Hold off until you both can barely stand not having sex, and then have a full-on marathon night/morning/afternoon of sexy times… then get some pizza or Chinese food. Totally worth it.F
Having friends who are girls
Have I had friends who are girls? Yes. Have I had girls as friends who I’ve been attracted to? Yes. Have I acted on it when I knew it might screw it all up? Well, sorta, but that’s alcohol and something that happened mutually. CONSENT! What about when I was in a relationship? The girls I knew were practically guys at that point. Like I said above, I don’t cheat. If I feel like I want to cheat, it probably means that the relationship I’m in is barely stable.
Everyone has a fantasy about someone they may see in a movie or something, but that doesn’t mean they want to cheat. I remember almost getting punched in the face by an ex-girlfriend because I admitted I thought about sex with another girl I saw on television. I really felt bad about it when I got into my car, but then I thought that I was feeling bad about something that flashed in my head for a moment, but never did anything I’d actually act on. Being 100% happy in a relationship means doing anything possible to keep that thing going. What doesn’t work is when a woman thinks all guys are cheating pieces of trash, so you just have to constantly reassure them that you are happy and faithful. When that keeps being a subject that is brought up time and time again, it becomes a problem.
Despite the saying that “guys can’t have a girl as just a friend,” I’m here to tell you that you can. Do you have a cousin who happens to be of the opposite gender? They’re your friend, and if you want to sleep with them, you’re disgusting. The best part about having a girl as a friend is being able to talk about stuff that you probably can’t with your guy friends. It’s weird, but women can just listen and not judge you when you take all the armor off (unless you’re in a relationship, you screwed up, and then she will destroy you).
When dating, it always helps to be honest at all times when it comes to having a healthy relationship. The more confusing the behavior, the more likely that you will both have problems down the line.
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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post,UPROXX,BGR and by just looking up his name.