Sextiquette – The Dos & Don’ts of wooing via messages
Let’s face it – most of us don’t meet potential mates in person anymore. Gone are the days of going to a bar in the hopes of possibly meeting a single available girl that finds you attractive. Gone are the nights spent kicking yourself for not mustering up the strength to go talk to that one girl you thought gave you sexy-eyes at the bar, and thankfully – gone are the crash-and-burn feelings of humiliation when you got rejected in the middle of a packed club (been there, done that too many times to mention).
Now – it’s all about tinder, bumble, snapchat, Instagram, facebook, or any social media service of the week. I’ve written before about how to use social media to meet someone – but that’s just half the battle. The more elusive part of the puzzle is simply – – – She’s swiped right or she’s accepted your friendship or replied to your initial hello…. Now what?!?
Before I delve into this – what drives me more nuts than anything else is when a girl wants you to be creative when you reach out. A: EVERY message I ever got from a girl when she sent the message first – was either Hi or What’s up? So don’t agonize over being creative on your first text. If she’s attracted to you, it really doesn’t matter what you say initially. Simply put – the difference between a hopeless romantic and a stalker is if the girl finds you attractive.
So all that being said – these are some guidelines of dos and don’ts once the ice is broken, and if you got to this point because you read one of my previous articles. Ah.. thank you…
THE DOS AND DONTS
DO NOT: Under any circumstances EVER send a penis pic. The only time this is ever allowed is after you’ve had sex, and if she’s really into that. But NEVER unprompted, NEVER if she asks before you meet… basically NEVER. If she’s asking for a penis pic before she met you, she’s not real -or she’s just going to show all her friends.
DO: Put in the time. What does that mean? In this modern social media age – there are women being approached by literally thousands of men daily. So if a girl doesn’t reply after the initial hello. Give it time, and while on that subject..
DO: Use time to re-kindle. What does that mean? If it’s Valentine’s Day and you haven’t heard from your potential date in a while – simply send a Happy Valentine’s Day. Don’t be mad if she doesn’t reply – – but if she does reply…
DO NOT: IMMEDIATELY say : What are you doing? Wanna go out? What are you up to? Let the message breathe… You don’t have to ask the girl out EVERY time you chat. You come off like a crazy person. In fact – whenever you get a text message – there’s no need to reply immediately. Go have a sip of coffee, see if there’s any family guy re-runs on, and then reply. Nothing comes off more desperate than immediate replies. Pretend you have something else going on, even if you don’t.
DO NOT: Get mad. If you make plans – and a girl cancels last minute. You’re cool man! It’s total chill. No worries… It’s all easy breezy. She probably got a better offer for the night, and when that guy seems like a hothead – complaining about the service at the restaurant, she’ll remember how easily you handled the last minute cancel (that being said – if she does that more than once, I would seriously reconsider your chances w this person).
DO: open the sexting door very VERY gently. Don’t jump into “send me a pic of that puss!” As I can guarantee you that will not end well. A great opening statement. “Send me a cute pic of you for my phone contact please” That just opened the door very sweetly, look how nice you are, and while I do think you can talk girls into sending naked/dirty pics before having relations. I think if you are reading this, that might be a little too much for this article.
DO: When asking for dirty pics, as much as it will pain you. Remember less is more. It is every guys desire to see MORE MORE MORE. But once you’ve talked the girl into sending a picture, one is plenty. You definitely should compliment excessively how gorgeous you think she is, but don’t ask for more. Unless she offers.
DO: Use sexual innuendo but again – gently. Don’t be a Lenny. For instance – if she says “My girlfriend and I are going to eat, have some drinks then go to bed” You can reply wrongly with “If you get drunk, are you going to eat each other in bed?!” Or you can be gentle… “sounds like that could end up being a fun night!” Which technically means nothing. But if she replies with “we do get wild when we drink” You’ve just gently opened the door. Now just wait at least a minute or two before replying!
DON’T: Get jealous or question her potential plans. If she says she’s going out w a friend… don’t ask if it’s a guy or try to decipher if it’s a guy. Who cares? If you haven’t taken her out yet, you have no right to ask. So leave Mr. Jealousy to the Gin Blossoms (anyone 30+ in age gets that reference).
DO: Use common sense… There’s A LOT of cat-fishing going on these days – on every single platform. Use logic. If you have common friends on FB – and see her in pics with those people, she’s probably real. If her last entry was from 2013, and she only has 3 photos -one of which is of a waterfall… she’s probably not.
DO: Remember Google Image Search. I had a friend send me a pic of a girl he met on facebook and wanted me to see how gorgeous she was. I did a quick google image search and found it to be the #1 most used photo for online catfishing.
DON’T: Wait too long. Now I am notorious for biding my time with girls. But only if there’s a logical reason. If she’s responding but is taken, If she lives in another city, then it’s fine to take some time. But once it’s established that you are both interested in going out – DON’T WAIT.
DON’T: Be a creep. Meaning- don’t ask the first date to be at your apt. Offer her the option of drinks or dinner. As some girls do not want to take a chance of being stuck on a long dinner with someone they don’t like. And don’t try to get her back to your apt on the first date unless there’s an obvious sexual energy between you.
DO: Realize as I said before – you are in a wild west of dating right now. Nearly EVERYONE is on some sort of social media these days, and the amount of potential suitors is bonkers. Case in point – in the last 3 years – I have almost gone on a date about 5 times with 5 different women – all of which got engaged literally a week after our date that was missed. Which says a lot about the caliber of those women, but I think more so – is an example of what is happening out there on those wild wacky interwebs! So keep a clear head, keep it light, easy breezy, and feel free to send me the naked pics you get from your new Instagram girl!
Follow me everywhere at @iamralphsutton and check out my recently #1 iTunes comedy podcast The SDR Show on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio, GooglePlay and streaming live every Monday night 9PM ET at www.GaSDigitalNetwork.com