Social Underground’s 2017 Summer Movie Preview Part 1
Summer of 2017 looks to be full of sequels, prequels, adaptations of TV shows, a few originals, and yet another remake of The Mummy. Who are we kidding? We will all eventually go to see all the films on this list. In a time like this, movies are one thing we have where we can go into a dark room and watch fiction without a care — unless some parent brings in a kid eating a trash bag full of popcorn.
The past few years have brought us some pretty good summer films, so let’s dive into the first few months of summer movies that the bigwigs want us to spend our precious dollars on.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (May 5th)
There’s no denying that the first film was pure fun. Yeah, it synced with the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it did so in a disconnected way where a viewer doesn’t really have to know about the dozen movies that led up to it introducing and infinity stone. The important thing is that it made Chris Pratt a super star. It also made people realize that James Gunn can write and direct the sh*t out of a movie.
Now comes the sophomore effort after a universally loved comic film with characters no one really knew. Ratings from critics are pretty high — 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. But that doesn’t give you the motivation to go into this with high expectations. Never trust the critics — including me. Wait, only me.
Premise: Set to the backdrop of ‘Awesome Mixtape #2,’ Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 continues the team’s adventures as they traverse the outer reaches of the cosmos. The Guardians must fight to keep their newfound family together as they unravel the mysteries of Peter Quill’s true parentage. Old foes become new allies and fan-favorite characters from the classic comics will come to our heroes’ aid as the Marvel cinematic universe continues to expand.
I’ve heard that the movie isn’t like the original, but that’s a good thing. If I wanted to watch the original, I’d watch the original.
Alien: Covenant (May 19th)
We here at Social Underground love the Alien franchise. It’s one of the best horror franchises that has a fantastic story that can go back and dig deep. Speaking of that, let’s look at the prologue to the film that takes place just after Prometheus, shall we?
That prologue answers so many questions, but it leaves so many more. All I can see is the possible Engineer planet having a role in this film and many more. Once you give us a glimpse of something like that, it opens up a world of storytelling.
Premise: The crew of the colony ship Covenant, bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world. When they uncover a threat beyond their imagination, they must attempt a harrowing escape.
When I was a kid, the idea of watching Aliens alone was almost unthinkable, but I did it. It instilled into my brain to never trust the radar in any film that has it — except Pearl Harbor movies.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (May 26th)
The last film in the franchise was completely forgettable. I’m honestly surprised that this film was even happening until I watched the trailer. It features a de-aged Johnny Depp playing Jack Sparrow screwing over Javier Bardem for some reason. Obviously, Bardem comes back to say the title of the film, Depp dances around like a weirdo, and this film will probably make a billion dollars.
Premise: Captain Jack Sparrow finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar, escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea…including him. Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.
What? Who woke me?! Oh, yeah, here’s the trailer. Guess I had too much rum.
Baywatch (May 25th)
The Rock is in a movie with the hot girl from True Detective season 1. The movie is based on where bad actresses with horrible boob jobs ran slowly on the beach to rescue people who kept drowning in front of them. Did I mention the running on the beach?
It looks like this will be another take on older TV shows that are reboots with a comedic slant. It worked for 21 Jump Street, right? IT also worked for CHiPs! Oh, wait, no…
Premise: Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchanan butts heads with a brash new recruit. Together, they uncover a local criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay.
The Rock is playing David Hasselhoff’s role in the film. There are other roles you can figure out as well, but I’ll leave you to look that up. I mean, it’s so hard to tell who the blonde is supposed to be.
Wonder Woman (June 2nd)
One of the only redeeming things to come out of the disastrous Batman V. Superman was Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. She didn’t take crap from any man from the start, and that’s why Wonder Woman is such a great character who deserves her own film adaptation.
There was controversy started by idiots who said Gadot wasn’t right for the part because, and I’m not even joking, she didn’t have breasts the size of a blimp. Like I said, these people are idiots. Gadot is… hell, look at the cover photo for the YouTube video. She’s perfect.
Premise: Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons, trained to be an unconquerable warrior. Raised on a sheltered island paradise, when an American pilot crashes on their shores and tells of a massive conflict raging in the outside world, Diana leaves her home, convinced she can stop the threat. Fighting alongside man in a war to end all wars, Diana will discover her full powers and her true destiny.
Not only do we get a Wonder Woman film, but we also get a big budget World War I film. WWI obviously didn’t have a goddess with a sword and shield fighting, but at least younger fans who love comics may get interested in looking up history from The Great War. Either way, the movie should be on your calendar. MORE FEMALE SUPERHERO MOVIES!
It Comes At Night (June 9th)
Making a scary movie nowadays is becoming one of the best ways to take a small budget movie and make a fortune. They can be complete garbage made for $5 million, but pulling in $200 million. Or, they could be brilliant like Get Out, which was made for $4.5 million, and then pull in $190. It pays to make a horror film because it’s cheap and audiences want it.
That concept brings us to It Comes At Night. It doesn’t look like it cost a lot of money to produce, but it does show the classic scenario of people stuck in a claustrophobic situation with terror all around them.
Premise: Secure within a desolate home as an unnatural threat terrorizes the world, the tenuous order a man (Joel Edgerton) has established with his wife and son is put to the ultimate test with the arrival of a desperate family seeking refuge. Despite the best intentions of both families, paranoia and mistrust boil over as the horrors outside creep ever-closer, awakening something hidden and monstrous within the man as he learns that the protection of his family comes at the cost of his soul.
The trailer sold me enough to want to go see this in the theater. I dislike a movie scaring the hell out of me. I will go out of my way to not watch a film that gave me nightmares. That being said, I will still go to see a new film that looks like it would freak me out in a different way. A dog barking in the direction of an eerie, dark forest makes me want to know more. Could I walk out of the theater shaking? Sure, but isn’t that the point?
The Mummy (June 9th)
Here we have yet another version of The Mummy. This time, it’s a sexy mummy with Tom Cruise probably jogging around it before becoming the next mummy.
Premise: Two thousand years ago, a young princess named Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) was chosen to be the new ruler of Egypt, but her father did not wish to pass on the throne to his daughter until he had a son. As a result, she killed her father and attempted to claim the throne for herself, but her plan was thwarted and she was buried alive beneath the sands of Egypt, never to be seen again. After her tomb is rediscovered by the American army and opened in modern times, she is once again awakened, bringing with her a malevolent grudge that has grown over millennia and terrors that will defy all humanity.
Uh huh. Where’s Brendan Fraser? The only thing about this movie that intrigues me is looking up what happened the Brendan Fraser. Apparently he hurt his back after a hurricane, then his ex tried to take him for everything he had.
The Mummy looks like it cost at least $200 million. I can’t picture this thing making its money back.
Transformers: The Last Knight (June 24th)
Another Transformers movie…
Premise: In the absence of Optimus Prime, a war has commenced between the human race and the Transformers. To save their world, Cade Yeager forms an alliance with Bumblebee, an English lord, and an Oxford professor to learn the secrets of why the Transformers keep coming back to Earth.
Mark Wahlberg’s name is CADE YEAGER in the film. The running time is 2 hours and 23 minutes. This is the fourth sequel to a movie about toys. The last one made $1.1 billion. What do I know? (*chugs Xanax*)
Baby Driver (June 28th)
Edgar Wright wrote and directed this film. He is the genius behind Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Spaced, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and The World’s End. He can turn a simple scene description into a solid joke.
Premise: A young and talented getaway driver (Ansel Elgort) relies on the personal beat of his preferred soundtrack to be the best in the world of crime. When he meets the girl of his dreams (Lily James), Baby sees a chance to ditch his criminal life and make a clean getaway. But after being coerced into working for a mysterious criminal (Kevin Spacey), he must face the music when an ill-fated heist threatens his life, love and chance of freedom.
Just watch the trailer. Take all of my money, Mr. Wright.
Feature Image: PHOTO BY: WILSON WEBB COPYRIGHT:SONY
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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post, UPROXX, BGR and by just looking up his name.