Social Underground’s 2017 Holiday Movie Preview Extravaganza
The holiday season is usually a time where big blockbusters are released. James Cameron broke the mold by releasing Titanic during the holiday season, and cleaned up the box office for months. No big movies came out in the holidays, and even better, no good movies came out from January – April. Thus began the movement to release more films during the holidays, you know, when you want to avoid family.
This year comes many films that are bound to make a ton of money and entertain the masses.
Thor: Ragnarok (November 3rd)
This could be the full-on cartoonish Thor movie we’ve been waiting for. The first one managed to bring the character to the big screen, the second one came and went as it tried to go darker, and this one has all this weird, spacey goofiness that movies other than Guardians of the Galaxy needed to pull off.
What really seals the deal is seeing Hulk talk at length instead of just a few words. It’s such a strange (Doctor Strange is in it) departure than what we’re used to with the characters we see in the series of films. I can 90% predict that this movie could reach at least $800 million in worldwide box office because of word of mouth alone. It feels like this film will be a popcorn blockbuster that’s perfect for November.
Premise: Imprisoned on the other side of the universe, the mighty Thor finds himself in a deadly gladiatorial contest that pits him against the Hulk, his former ally and fellow Avenger. Thor’s quest for survival leads him in a race against time to prevent the all-powerful Hela from destroying his home world and the Asgardian civilization.
Wonder (November 17th)
Though the trailer basically shows you the beginning, middle, and end of the movie, it will still bring in families. Then again, seeing Owen Wilson in it gives me flashbacks of Marley & Me. What kind of evil movie sets up that kind of ending?
Wonder will be a movie that will make you hate children, then love how children will accept others for their differences. Now, I can look at bullies and want to slap the crap out of them for treating other kids badly, but knowing how bullies are secretly suffering, they’re probably the saddest of all. Get ready to bring a Costco size box of tissue to the theater, because this one looks like a doozy.
Premise: Based on the New York Times bestseller, WONDER tells the incredibly inspiring and heartwarming story of August Pullman, a boy with facial differences who enters fifth grade, attending a mainstream elementary school for the first time.
Justice League (November 17th)
DC’s superhero teamup movie seems to be plagued with problems. First, director Zack Snyder has a family tragedy that led to him leaving the project, then Avengers director Joss Whedon stepped in for extensive reshoots, then rumors came that the movie is a complete mess. I think this is why Marvel took its times when developing their universe. DC has had 4 movies so far, and 3 of them sucked.
Will this bring in big crowds the first weekend? Of course, but it’s the second weekend that analysts will be looking at. I’m guessing a 60% drop off in the second weekend unless it gets word of mouth and good Rotten Tomatoes scores. Let’s hope this is good. Please God, let this be good.
Premise: Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman’s (Henry Cavill) selfless act, Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes — Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash — it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (December 15th)
After the successful soft-reboot of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Last Jedi has a lot to take on being the second film in a new trilogy. Luckily, we have Rian Johnson (Looper, Breaking Bad) taking on the second film. Where the first film was sort of a remake of the original film, this film has the heavy task of being the sophomore effort.
Rey has just landed on the island where Luke Skywalker was moping around in his Snuggie, so it’s hard to guess what will happen in this movie besides Luke training Rey to hone her force powers. I hope she learns how to fly or something. You can make space ships float, but you can’t use that power to make yourself fly? That would be different. We Star Wars fans have high hopes, Johnson. Deliver!
Premise: Having taken her first steps into a larger world in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015), Rey continues her epic journey with Finn, Poe and Luke Skywalker in the next chapter of the saga.
The Disaster Artist (December 1st)
The Room is the best worst movie ever. It’s so bad that during the holidays, I showed my brother and father the trailer for the film, and even that was too much for them. It’s that big of a piece of garbage that just a few scenes will scare people away. The book The Disaster Artist was written by one of the main actors in the original film, and it serves as the basis for this film based on the book based on the movie.
I promise you won’t be disappointed by watching the original film. It’s just so disastrous that you can’t look away. The images and trailer coming from the adaptation looks like they really got it down. Franco might even get some awards for his portrayal as Tommy Wiseau. Until then, let’s go throw the football around in an alley while only being 5 feet away from each other.
A behind-the-scenes look at the making of Tommy Wiseau’s The Room (2003), a film considered one of the worst films ever made.
The Shape of Water (December 8th)
Guillermo del Toro is behind this film, so it could be either really good or it could be Pacific Rim bad. It has the recipe for a really fun video game like Half-Life, so it will probably be entertaining with some of del Toro’s classic monsters to keep you entertained.
Premise: Elisa is a mute, isolated woman who works in a hidden, high-security government laboratory. Her life changes forever when she discovers a secret, classified experiment that involves a mysterious creature.
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (December 20th)
When I first heard about this film, I think it was around the time Robin Williams died. That was probably not the best time to talk about a remake of a movie that he was famous for. Everyone loves The Rock, but man does he choose so same, crappy roles. Kevin Hart is in it, so there will be short jokes. There’s that.
The idea for the film in a more modern way isn’t really that bad. A couple of kids transported into their video game? That can work, unless their Mom comes downstairs and turns the game off. Sorry kids, no power is sometimes worse than getting chased by a Lion.
Premise: Four high school kids discover an old video game console and are drawn into the game’s jungle setting, literally becoming the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that you don’t just play Jumanji – you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they’ll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves – or they’ll be stuck in the game forever.
Pitch Perfect 3 (December 22nd)
I really know nothing about this franchise. I watched the first one while I sat and waited for the girl I was dating to get ready. There was bad singing, Anna Kendrick is being gorgeous, and something about cups or something? I think someone puked on someone else. Hilarious. This will make hundreds of millions, dammit.
Premise: After the highs of winning the world championships, the Bellas find themselves split apart and discovering there aren’t job prospects for making music with your mouth. But when they get the chance to reunite for an overseas USO tour, this group of awesome nerds will come together to make some music, and some questionable decisions, one last time.
Bright (December 22nd)
Will Smith stars in a movie that is part Lord of the Rings and part Training Day. I’m questioning the fact that the film is being put on Netflix. Not because I hate the idea of it, but when Will Smith tackles sci-fi or fantasy, that’s where he banks major bucks in the box office. He was the only good thing in the movie Suicide Squad, and that movie was a trainwreck — by the same writer/director of this film.
Smith really needs a big hit to get him back in the game after a string of box office failures. I think this one will return Smith to where he excels: shooting guns while saying witty lines.
Premise: In an alternate present day, humans, orcs, elves and fairies have been coexisting since the beginning of time. Two police officers, one a human, the other an orc, embark on a routine night patrol that will alter the future of their world as they know it. Battling both their own personal differences as well as an onslaught of enemies, they must work together to protect a young female elf and a thought-to-be-forgotten relic, which, in the wrong hands, could destroy everything.
The Greatest Showman (December 25th)
The circus always creeped me out. You walk into the tent, it smells like doodoo, animals are jumping through flaming hoops, clowns are juggling, and so on. Never really got into it. The trailer for this film shows P.T. Barnum like he is some kind of hero rescuing people with deformities. People are singing, everyone is happy, and Hugh Jackman once again crushes it at being charming and handsome.
This might be a research mission on Barnum before seeing the film. I don’t want to smile and laugh at a guy who donated money to the Nazi party or something. I’m looking at you Henry Ford.
Premise: Inspired by the imagination of P. T. Barnum, The Greatest Showman is an original musical that celebrates the birth of show business & tells of a visionary who rose from nothing to create a spectacle that became a worldwide sensation.
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Jeff Sorensen is an author, writer and occasional comedian living in Detroit, Michigan. You can look for more of his work on The Huffington Post, UPROXX, BGR and by just looking up his name.