A heterosexual single man’s guide to the do’s and don’ts in the post #metoo universe.
2018 saw a major change in the interactions for men and women. A LOT of men are left dumbfounded on the proper ways to interact, talk and flirt with women since the pulling back of the curtain to the atrocities towards women for the past 100, 200… forever years. The pendulum had to swing back eventually – and sure, right now it has swung way too far in the other direction. To the point where men are confused about what is even right to say or do anymore. But, realistically it had to swing that far back, to inevitably – swing back a bit to find a happy medium. Plus, while on this soapbox, I also feel that the seemingly overwhelming amount of #metoo’s are also helpful for a less obvious reason. Sure the Harvey Wienstein’s of the world will get a lot of press, but Johnny who manages a coffee shop in Sioux Falls, SD – has been getting away with abhorrent conduct for years, but with the onslaught of #metoo’s maybe he will think twice… and FYI I don’t know if there is a lecherous Johnny who runs a coffee shop in Sioux Falls, but if there is and he is reading this – I just blew his damn mind.
For a while now – I have been writing articles on dating for Social Underground.com, and as always – I am here to be your Sherpa in the do’s and don’ts of today’s man. What can you say or do without fear of public humiliation, or a twitter shit storm of hate to come careening towards you for a statement that might have been just considered groan-worthy way way back in 2016?
So I am going to spend some time guiding you through the various stages of a potentially new relationship – from the initial flirting stage, to your first date, your relationship, sex and the inevitable breakup. I hope this unofficial guide helps you in these tender times.
A few years ago – sexting was a big thing, a few years before that – it was completely acceptable to slap a woman on the ass at the office, and a little bit before that, you could just club a woman and drag her back to your cave. These were considered modern flirting techniques of their time. Nowadays – a misplaced “honey” could get you a trip to HR. Sadly, in these overly sensitive times – a woman may report someone just for hitting on them at the office. You’re going to have to wait a few years before you can start talking that girl up at the water cooler. And let’s face it – if she’s not attracted to you, it’s almost guaranteed she’d report ya anyway. The easiest answer? Don’t even try.
Stick to online dating. End of story. There’s just no way of knowing where the object of your desire stands on the #metoo meter. So just better safe than sorry. DON’T FLIRT.
Thanks to Bumble, Tinder, Happn, etc – you’ve managed to snag a date out! Hooray for you. Sadly, prior to 2016 – Women wanted the man to take control, plan the date, open the car door, etc. GOOD LUCK! Who knows if you are meeting with a super feminist who will consider you the world’s biggest asshole for trying to behave like a gentleman. I recently had a date not happen simply because I said “let me take you to my favorite sushi place.” As it was considered extremely rude to have me decide where the date would be. And even if you are able to get past the dance of the restaurant choice -what happens when the check comes?!? What then? I have often heard that women make 70% of what men make, and up until 2018 – my answer always was. “I have never been on a first date where a woman paid. So, thank god we make more money.” Not to mention there are many careers where women make more money than men (modeling for one), so are we just focusing on careers where it’s unfair to women? I believe I got off on a tangent. Anyway – it’s probably your best to suggest something that doesn’t involve pulling out a wallet as that could also be a trigger… Maybe a walk in the park, maybe tickets to a free show, etc. This will resolve any of those first date paying/gender inequality issues. Plus, if you meet in a park – there’s no worries about opening doors, pulling out seats, etc. DON’T go to a restaurant. DON’T offer to get her an uber.
Wow! You took my advice – and you somehow made it to round two. Impressive. Now is where it gets really tricky. Gone are the days of trying to woo a woman off her feet with flowers or a grand romantic gesture! My advice – join movie pass – and just say you have the membership, so it’s easy to just go to see a movie. DON’T take her to see a romantic comedy, as Hollywood hasn’t caught up with our new social norms. Most of the movies coming out now were made a social movement ago. Documentaries about another country should be safe for now.
SEX: Just don’t.
The truth is this – – right now, there is no clear answer. Men and Women have been hard wired for years in the idea that men pursue women. Women play hard to get, and eventually some will say yes. Look at movies like 50 Shades of Grey, or every romance novel ever written. They all involve dominating men. Up until 18 months ago – most women would say – “a man that takes control” is a turn on. So right now, we are in a holding pattern gentleman. Err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry, at least until we all get on the same page for what is considered OK in today’s society. It’s a re-learning process for everyone.
Well, let’s face it. This is probably going to happen sooner rather than later. Not only because you probably are going to do something wrong, but since we are all now meeting online (and I have addressed this in previous articles) women are being hit on at an alarming rate online. Back in the old days – a woman might meet a ½ dozen perspective dates and another dozen or so catcalls from construction workers on a daily basis. These days, between the dating apps, facebook, Instagram etc – they are being bombarded with requests from people far more successful and better looking than you. DON’T bitch about it, DON’T publicly say negative stuff. Just suck it up and move on. If you’ve followed the Do’s and Don’t till now, you won’t be on anyone’s shit list either.
It’s crazy to think that there are people alive today in the United States that were around when women didn’t have the right to vote. So maybe men just kinda have to deal right now. Eventually the social dynamic will find a way of evening out. Especially when you take into account that – if you look at almost every species on the planet – the man is the pursuer. Some male species sing, some fight, some dance, some build beautiful homes (nests) -all to attract the female. Even a cute little puffer fish makes sandcastles to attract the female. For the most part, it’s hardwired in our DNA. Do a quick Instagram search and you will see many women traveling the world with questionable income sources and never any men in the photos… while this doesn’t do much to forward the female empowerment agenda – it does prove one thing – men do things to impress women. So – right now the impressive thing? Just shut the fuck up. Lke the famous Persian adage “this too shall pass.” Eventually we will all figure out the new norm, and then a few decades from now, that will change again. In fact the only thing constant is change, so learn to roll with it. There are still many countries today where women have limited or non-existent rights.
Hopefully – eventually we will all figure it out. Until then, I am going on walks in the park.
You can follow me everywhere @iamralphsutton and listen to my podcast The SDR Show on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, iHeartRadio and more. Or watch LIVE every Monday night 9PM ET at www.theSDRshow.com/LIVE