The Six Hail Mary Attempts to Seduce a Woman When You’ve Already Tried Everything
The Hail Mary pass – is used as a last ditch effort when all else fails. Its origins go back to the early 20’s from when football players would say Hail Mary prayers before each play, but it’s popularity in modern culture supposedly came from a Cowboys game in the 70s where Cowboy’s quarterback Roger Staubach said: “I closed my eyes and said a Hail Mary.” I gotta be honest, I googled that, as anyone that knows me – knows I know absolutely nothing about sports, and this article has nothing to do with sports. It does however give you my top six Hail Mary attempts for when all else fails when you tried to get a date with that chickadoo that you’ve been pining over for the last few months.
Let me start by saying – the success rate on these are remarkably low, but I am including all 6 because they’ve all worked a few times in my life, and my thought process is – if you are already in the doghouse – what’s the worst thing that can still happen? If she says no, you are exactly where you were before attempting this, just maybe she thinks you are a bit more of a creep than she already did. No harm, no foul.
For the purpose of easing you into my psychosis, we will put them in the order of mild to ridiculous. So for the adventure seekers you may want to start at #5.
Doin’ A solid
This seems pretty logical, but you’d be amazed how many guys just don’t think like this. If you see the girl of your dreams is about to move next weekend, send her a completely non-sexual suggestion. “Hey – I saw on FB that you’re moving this weekend, let me know if you need any help.” Now if she says yes, don’t back it up with “great, and then maybe afterwards we can have dinner!” Because then you are playing your hand.
Just be a nice guy for once. Help her out if she says yes, and if she doesn’t – she at least sees you as a guy that offered. Down the road, this will definitely pop up in her head the next time she has an argument with the DJ with the six-pack she’s currently dating.
Would You like to join me?
Being in NYC – there’s SO MANY great events in NYC that are FREE! Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Seth Myers, John Oliver, etc. You can go on their websites and try for free tickets. When you get them – just casually mention it. “Hey, I got a pair of tickets to see The Tonight Show next Monday, let me know if you wanna go, we could grab dinner after too.”
Granted, she may say yes just so she can Instagram that she’s at The Tonight Show, but that’s not the point. Once she says yes, then you are able to try and start charming her. This exact thing happened to me a few months ago – when I got tickets to see astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. This girl I only knew from FB always posted about him, and I am a fan too – so I bought tickets, I just casually mentioned it to her with a picture of Neil, and next thing you know – we are at the event together, which led to dinner, which led to drinks, which led to me writing this article.
The ol’ Switcheroo!
This is SO stupid, and really shouldn’t work, but it does. Again, with all of these, I give it about a 15% success rate, but when you’ve been putting up goose eggs all this time, you should be willing to take a chance. This only really works if the girl really hasn’t noticed you at all. Maybe she’s the bartender at the place you go to for drinks, maybe she’s your waitress, etc. You say – “Ya know, I think my brother would find you attractive. Are you single?” The funny thing is – not all women – but A LOT of women will instantly think to themselves “why his brother? Why not him?” And immediately you become a challenge to them.
I accidentally did this when I was a DJ at a club, as I genuinely thought my brother would like this girl. The next thing I knew we were making out at the end of the night, and she came home with me. She told me in the morning that the only reason she did it was to prove that she could be my type too. I have since successfully done this maneuver about 2 out of 100 times.
The Adventurous one
This is a risky one. There’s PLENTY of websites that offer SUPER CHEAP weekend getaways. You can find them by searching google, I don’t necessarily have to plug any of them here, but if you google cheap Caribbean trips you will be inundated with a bunch of options. Find one of those last minute deals, you’ll usually have at least a day or so before the deal is done. Text the girl you’ve been masturbating over for the past month and say “hey – crazy question, but I think I just wanna get outta here next weekend. Any interest in coming to St. Thomas with me for a weekend?” You’d be amazed (especially if you ask in the winter) how many women will just say “fuck it” and go. The one thing you’d need to delicately stress is that you only will be getting ONE room.
I’ve seen weekends for $500 for two people, which included flights, food, transportation, and drinks! Tell me that’s not worth it?
The easiest text you’ll ever send
This has actually worked for me about 5 times in my life. Once with a girl that I desired for about 3 years, and it’s so stupid and simple. Text “Hey – you wanna go out, get really drunk, and then whatever happens, we can blame it on the alcohol? :D” Now when this will work is simple. The girl had a bad day, maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend? Maybe she just got fired? Maybe she was sick for a week and finally feels good enough to go out? My point is – if you happen to catch the girl at the right moment, you just might get a yes. Then it’s time to man up, buy some pedalife for the morning, and get to drinking.
The best text you will ever send
This, my friends, is perhaps the best piece of advice I can give you. So many things in life happen because you took a chance. The idea that it’s better to do something, then apologize for it, rather than ask for permission first is a life lesson you should all take from this article, and this text best embodies that. Let me state that this has worked for me about 3-4 times, with MANY negative replies, but I stand by my ground that the good out-weighs the bad in this one! The text is “Hey – how about you grab a girlfriend, let me take you two to dinner, and hopefully if dinner goes well, I can also make you two breakfast.” Idiotic. Ridiculous. But… yes it has worked.
She will either A) most likely think you are an asshole, and tell you in many many texts immediately following yours, or B) be so amazed at the balls you have for suggesting it, she’ll call up her girlfriend and say… “Let’s show this guy a wild night”
So there it is, my top 6 hail mary attempts. To be used at your own discretion, and with absolutely no promise of a high success rate! But with great risk comes great reward. If you have a hail mary that works for you, I’d love to hear about it. If you use one of these and it works (or even if it doesn’t!) I’d love to hear about it. Feel free to reach out @iamralphsutton everywhere, and check out my shows The SDR Show on iTunes & YouTube – and The Tour Bus – a nationally syndicated rock radio show! Good luck, and I apologize in advance if you get your face slapped.
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Tall in height, short in the pants.
Host of The SDR Show, The Tour Bus, as well as Shiprocked & Motorhead’s Motorboat